When I first read Jonathan Livingston Seagull, I did not really understand its depth... it was like one of those which had a lovely mellifluous style of writing that makes you feel freah and one with nature.

I read it a second time a  year back and then realised the joy the book transmitted to your soul... it was like ... like... the flight being transmitted to you... literally... it was like someone breathing freedom to your soul... like you growing wings and going Swoosh... far above!

I feel like that sometimes... and its almot like a moment of prayer... I feel good and free... like I am flying through air... a carefree dauntless ME ...

You can get the feeling if you ride a bike... a bicycle .. if you ride on it fast enough and manage to let go of the handle, you can get that feeling of weightless flight for a fleeting moment. You can get the feeling when you run fast.... very fast... with the winds at your face... you can get the feeling ...when you float on water.. face up... just relaxing ... not moving a muscle... its such an awesome feeling!

It takes all the Stress off me... no thoughts of bugs fixes and releases and appraisals bothering my head... just pure bliss! Unlimited! Do try it sometime!

It was a light drizzle... but it made the world look fresh like it always does....

He sat at the study table wondering whether it would be wise to take a stroll down the lanes. People were catching chill these days... caused by the fluctuating weather. Better to wrap a muffler around.

He got up and dressed quickly in a casual pair of jeans and shirt.

It was lovely outside... there was a nip in the air, as they say.... but he liked it... made him feel good....  feel optimistic. The sun was about to set.... the sky was painted in vivid orange streaks.

It was a bit stressful to study for a competitive exam on which he banked upon as though his life depended on it...  peers wanted to take up a job straightaway after grad school.... noone thought it was worth going for further studies... not that they were wrong .....but for some reason he wanted to.... maybe the apprehension of entering the corporate world so soon, losing the charm of student life , entering the monotonous 9 hour routine somewhat scared him. He wanted to go for research.... seemed kind of exciting....he wanted to go out , see the world.... read more, learn more.... there was so much he had to do.......at least its better to give it a start than to just think about it and give up.

He walked in slow steps .... drinking in the cool fresh air... his mind was filled with the nitty gritties of the examination... it meant so much to him....

He wandered on and on...absent minded and lost in his thoughts

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He did not live to fulfil his dreams. That evening, a truck hit him and he died on the spot.

He had been my father's batchmate and Baba had told me about him in one of those moments when you say things because you can't hold them back anymore.... because I asked him a question that stirred his memories.

My father never pressurised me regarding studies....I often wondered why... I used to wonder if he thought whether I was not good enough to meet his expectations... he never got very excited when I ranked in exams or did well in academics... I asked him..WHY?

and that day ... I got to know why......

 He says that life is too short... he says I should enjoy  the present... always.... because you never know whats waiting at the next turn.

He's right... I know he is! Since then , I have been trying to relish every drop of the PRESENT because thats the only thing you have as they say!

I am really sick of the open drains of Noida and the real estate prices!

It just keeps getting stinkier and obnoxious day by day!

Picture this:

A beautiful 2 bedroom flat that they say costs 50 lakhs... and that asset worth 50 lakhs is located right next to a big big open drain... that stinks to its hearts content... and not just that.. there is a large hoard of cows and buffaloes grazing amidst the beautiful greenery surrounding it. And of course fertilising the soil with their huge supply of cow dung. And guess what! People are actually buying that flat!

I mean which idiot would take a loan of 50 lakhs to live next to a drain, that to a drain that emits such a marvellous stench 24x7. And of course don't forget the miniature open air zoo right beside it... there are not only the herbivores... but also donkeys and mules and horses... did I miss any of their family members... sorry if I have!

I don't understand...  I really don't.

There is a builder making a residential complex that'll make you go wow... a three bedroomed flat... with this and that.. and a spa and jacuzzi and beach with artificial waves.... and more this and more that... and it costs 1 crore....huh? huh? HUH?

Point 1: Supposedly meant for the NRIs?

Point 2: Located pretty far from the city center.

Point 3: You won't by any chance miss out on the stench unless you always remain cocooned up in the centrally air conditioned flat.

Point 4: Look out of the window and you'll get a wow view of the miniature zoo...

What the hell? And you expect me to believe people are actually buying it? Surprise! Surprise! They are!

There are large areas of empty lands in Noida....  then why are new housing complexes coming up in 3 digit sectors...that are so remotely located? Why are they being priced at such a strange figure? If there is enough supply to meet the demand... then why does the land have such inflated rates....?

And for god's sake... at least get the drains into shape before quoting the land price!

Are we expected to pay EMIs for a life filled with the fragrance of rotting drains.....  we sure need a Mamta Bannerjee in Noida... maybe a few strikes and protests would be of help here!

Recently, I have watched Om Shanti Om.... ! No!..I am not going to write a review on it... I am currently bored of writing reviews.  All I like to do nowadays is read reviews... thats such an easy job you see... all you do is read the whole thing and then agree or disagree with it. :).. easy huh?

But all I'll say is OSO is a perfect entertainer ... so just forget reality and enjoy it ... don't try to go for a critical analysis... you'll ruin your evening then, but just let yourself go and flow with the movie!

Incase you really are interested in a very relevant and apt review... I  just read http://greatbong.net and there was an OSO review posted there... oh boy! it was hilarious... really... do take a look if you can.

Hmm... what else?

We had two days off for diwali and bunched with the weekend that followed.....we experienced four days of unstoppable fun...  not only did we catch up with OSO... we also gorged up some lebanese food, burst crackers like kids and the old childhood memories came flooding back...

Then of course , grand return to office was made... but I returned refreshed and enthusiastic to take up on the next milestone release.:)

Today, I am done with that release,  that is an inseparable part of my job, and  I have comparatively less work to do at the moment.... am feeling relaxed and on top of the clouds.

Ah! I am in a good mood today.... I feel like I have achieved nirvana... I think I'll get going and play some basketball... wow! what a cool job I have :)... at least for today ...lets live for the moment... wat say?

Bad Angel........... I agree agree agree with you when you talk about "Self Doubt and more ..."

I can't remember when was the last time thoughts transformed itself into words and the keyboard wrote something better than what it usually does... aaarghhhhhhh!

Whats happening? I hate this phase when I don't feel like writing. I start off with something and then I just close the window without even saving the damn thing.... and guess what... I am having a BAD BAD temptation to do this right now... since whatever I am writing is not really making much sense........

So before I raise the mouse to destroy the window..... I'll post it... just for the heck of it.... curse me if you like....

 (Posted under category "The Digital Life". You can find Chapter 1 there just in case you are interested :))

“So, how did u enjoy the evening show dear?” Anu asked , a bit too sweetly, as she squared up on Ritu.

Ritu looked up from her laptop. She screwed up her eyes. “Why are you being so nice to me?’, she demanded.

Anu smirked, “ I am always nice to you.” She wondered where she had heard a similar dialog… aah… it was in JAG, a series in Star World that used to be telecast some years back.

“No this sugary voice is not your real voice... you are making me suspicious, something wrong?”, Ritu broke in, interrupting Anu’s thoughts.

“ I should be asking you that. Why did you lie to me yesterday ? You went out on a date, no use denying , I saw you at the mall!“, Anu replied with an impish look.

Ritu looked at her incredulously, as if she couldn’t understand what Anu was talking about.

“Wellll… if you don’t want to tell me whats going on….then its okay, " Anu began ruefully, but suddenly brightened up and ended," …. then I’ll ask you again tomorrow.”

The girls started giggling.

“You’ve been dying to know, aren’t you?”, Ritu asked.

“Of course, I am supposed to do that… I am after all a girl…” she stuck her tongue out.

Ritu smiled. Her eyes lit up… was there a glint of mischief there?

“ I’ve been wanting to tell you for quite sometime. But everything happened so suddenly you see. “

Anu pretended to be really offended, “People always say that boring line when they hide something from their best friend and get caught later.”

Ritu replied, ‘You know dear , its not like that, I was really caught up in so many things”

Anu frowned, “ Oh really!”

Ritu gave a dreamy look, “ He is so intelligent you know… and so good with figures. He must have been a mathematics wizard. And he always listens to me patiently. And never scolds me for  over-spending. My Dad trusts him a lot and my family likes him.”

Anu was very interested by now. “So, your family knows him? You guys have progressed pretty fast. How long has this been going on?”

“Not too long. “

 “Hmm, interesting! So you guys are all serious and decided about itl?’

“Of course dear! This is not a matter to be taken lightly?”

"Tell me more! How is he like? "

"He is really nice. Soft-spoken, polite, sharp, ... "

“Ah well,  I am so happy for you”, Anu smiled widely, and hugged her.

A moment of silence.

Ritu seemed thoughtful as she replied back slowly.

“It’s a big relief for me as well. Otherwise I would have had to pay a lot of taxes.”

Anu looked up at her searchingly. Utterly confused, she asked, “ What’s taxes got to do with it?”

Ritu gave a triumphant look as if she was waiting for this question.

“Try to understand, with the financial year coming to an end, I haven’t yet invested the 1 lakh that’s going to save me taxes, so I was pretty miserable since there is hardly anytime left. Then Dad tells me of this wonderful insurance agent who is really swift and efficient  and gets things done in the wink of an eye and tells me that he will ask the wizard to get in touch with me. On the other hand, Abhishek tells me yesterday that no tickets were available and Mr TaxSaver or LifeSaver whatever you call it, calls up immediately after that, asking if he could come to my office and get the needful signed. I tell him to meet me at the coffee shop as I had already started for home, so he comes bang on time. I have all ,my documents as per daddy’s advice and everything happens smoothly. So you see, he is the gallant knight who saves the damsel in distress. ”

Anu stood with her mouth open, and then burst out laughing.

So much for the evening show of Shrek….  

The whiff of the summer breeze that brought with it the familiar fragrance of summer flowers, that brought back memories.   It came from somewhere very far,  like from the other end of the tunnel, but it was fresh…as fresh as the first rains of the season.

She could hear the gurgling of the little chubby child, echoing and reverberating, the splashing in the rains, the rolling in the mud, flying in the swings, running down the lanes, crying out in joy.

She could hear the laughter of other small children like her fighting, playing, dancing.

She could feel herself balancing to keep herself from falling off the bicycle when she first learnt how to ride it. She remembered her grandfather running after the cycle giving shouts of joy. She could remember her father crying out to slow down … and she could remember falling off after that and missing school for that.

She smiled.

School! Waiting for the school bus to turn round the corner, the games played in the bus, the fights regarding the window seats, the bossing over on juniors, and of course, being bossed over by seniors.

She remembered her mother’s special dishes that was cooked on her birthdays, the aroma of freshly prepared cakes and puddings,  the loving caress when she was sick, the valuable lessons on life.

She remembered her father’s maths lessons, the talks on the spiritualism, the talks on cosmic flow of knowledge and life.

She remembered her grandmother’s story telling.

The music lessons, the sounds of the tanpura strings, it all came back to her.

As the memories flooded back, so did the tunes. Music began to chime through her veins.

The world around started singing, as if  rejuvenated from a lull.

She remembered the yearly trips, the wonders of visiting new places, the ever-changing facets of nature, so mesmerizing and breathtaking.

It was so beautiful. A Gift. That everyone is not blessed with!

Its not that I want to go back to it. I just want to treasure every moment of my golden childhood and keep them in a beautiful pearl, that grows radiant with every passing moment. So that someday I can pass it to my child J

"The trees shone a crimson red ...  the hue they emanated reflected the sun that said adieu. The clouds were rose tinted, the sky a mellow pale orange... "

She put the pen down... it was a long while that she  had actually written her emotions. Some urge gnawed at her heart but then died down... a hesitation seemed to drown it.... stifle it.

But then at the middle of the night , the desire to write again rose .... this time more fierce... more wild. It tore her apart. She rose from her bed, gripped the pen, Words began to form again.

"... a lone bird.. lost... trying to find its way to Eternity... its wings ablaze with the crimson sun's crimson rays. There was silence. "

She paused. A pause pregnant with meaning... silence in the room.... a silence that emanated the depth of her desire. The desire to write... to be set free... to write till her end...till the Eternity enveloped her.

Thoughts came back. It was the same day ten years ago that she had completed the novel that made her soar to fame. The novel that described in haunting details of the earthquake that destroyed a land and the devastation it brought about. It was heart-wrenching, vivid, spectacular and it spoke of immense talent... talent to imagine something as horrifying and mesmerizing as that and to paint it in words. That was what the critics had wrote. Instant success.... and veneration... till....

..till each word of the novel came true... till a devastating earthquake rocked her country... destroyed everything... sparing no one... killing  her own family, mutilating hundreds, ruining thousands.

The writer with the Black Pen... that was what they called her then.

Ten years later... she closed her eyes in the small dingy room she had been living ever since...

She had been unable to write ever again... neither good or bad... the guilt gnawed..she felt responsible for it all...

Today she had started again.... eons later.... to fulfill the one goal she thought would save her from the guilt that had been devouring her all these years.... the night rolled on…

Next day, the local newspaper had a small section that caught the eyes of almost none, tucked away in its inside pages. It was titled "The Writer with the Black Pen dies  while writing . " It  had a short extract of the last words she had penned down.

It said:

" a lone bird.. lost... trying to find its way to Eternity... its wings ablaze with the crimson sun's crimson rays. There was silence…. I can feel myself in the lonely existence of the bird. I can feel myself close to the Peace I have been searching for....  my time will now come... I will now merge with Eternity."

She had written her own death. Whether she saw it coming and then wrote about it... or whether she wrote about it and then the "Black" pen , like the black tongue, breathed truth into the words... that is a mystery that will perhaps never be solved...

I was standing on the ground floor when I heard someone call me from the floor above, I asked him where he was and he replied "5th floor, come up, its urgent"...

I ran up but as I stepped onto the 5th floor, there was nobody there. I stood there panting when I heard another a group of voices from the 9th floor. They too were shouting for me, they seemed to be in a big rush and was cursing me as I took my time to reach them. By the time I did, half of them had gone. Only an old lady waited. "Take me down", she commanded. No please, no thank you. Just a curt order. I did. As I reached , I heard a child scream for me to go up again. It went on and on like this....

I can't complain. This is how my life is supposed to be. I am a Lift of one of Delhi's busy apartments.

PS: hey I know this piece is weird but I couldn't stop myself from writing this.

I have had a nice relaxing vacation... down the beach....  read lots of good books, ate like a glutton, went for long walks with my hubby, watched the sea glistening in the moonlight, splashed in the sea, slept like a log.... and merrily hoped that I will return back to mundane life refreshed.

But no no no! After getting back to office and the same boring routine... I just feel like running away. I just can't bear to sit with my laptop the whole day and keep debugging and doing all the crappy geeky stuff that I once loved... I am bored ...HELL! I want to go back... to the lonely seas and the sky... and ... oh well... I was just trying to quote a bit of Ulysses, but I can't seem to do that correctly as well.

Whats going on here? I have gone plain wild... and I am eating my hubby's head telling him to plan the next vacation and the next and the next. Got a mail from my office  that they  have struck up a deal with some Chain of Hotels that allows a reasonable stay at a gorgeous hotel for a couple. I want to go there... and I want to do it right now!

Bored , bored , bored to death am I... bugs and bugs... go away... go to hell and don't come and eat my head out!

Once a Bug , always a Bug,
Go away, you stupid old slug,
Eat your soul and die your death,
Vanish from my life, heave your last breath.

Oh wow! Some poem that was.... applaud, anybody?
Take me to the mountains,
Take me to the sea,
My soul yearns to fly,
My soul yearns to meet Thee.....

Thats better, what say? A poetic poem...
Whatever said and done... talk of a vacation making you feel worse... and I can tell you about it....
today is just another day... and I have to get back to work ...

Hope my next post sees me in a better mood :(